BALD BUT BOLD

                                                BALD BUT BOLD

One Mr. McDonald from England came to India looking for some computer technocrats who would undertake providing solutions to  problems in computing that could be solved ‘on line’ on a contractual basis for 3 years. He landed in Bangalore, and after exhaustive assessment, he chose one M/S SRIPRIYA Software solutions; they gave good solutions in quick time for problems presented by Mr. McDonald and their bosses were happy at the outcome and permitted their representative another week’s stay and to visit Tamil Nadu and Kerala FOR A FIRST HAND Elucidation by physical visit to select destinations. Mr. McDonald sought help from Mr. Sripaadha Rao, the boss of M/S SRIPRIYA Software solutions, to sponsor local guides to help his proposed trip. The requirement was computer-skill and familiarity of Tamil and Malayalam while answering questions of Mr. McDonald. What happened thereafter was history -a hysteric one by the sheer ‘free for all traits of SARAVANAN and SUGEESH sponsored for the job. All further reporting of mine are pronunciation -based and all spellings employed are purpose-oriented though in violation of work-book stipulations.

7.00 AM BANGALORE CITY STATION 

SARAVANAN : GUD MAANING SAAR, McDonald.: NODS HEAD  SUGEESH:GUD mourning Sur. McDonald: Whom do u mourn?

SUGEESH: TO U. Angry McDonald fumes AND THINKS SARAVANAN is far more decent, little knowing of Saravanan’s tongue-twisters.

Mac: What time is the train to Chennai ? SARA: TO Sennai 1.00 ‘o clock saar

Why shud we stand here? -Mac. Sara : Train nouvvu but to sennai goes 1.00 ‘oclock. Mac: U don’t understand my question. Sara ; all kostin v un derstand, butt, speek englisu not eeci.

Why Mr. Rao put u on to me? Aal odhurs very bad; only kannadam or indhi speak. Sugeesu and I yi englis guddu.

Ma : I am afraid, how we get on ? Sara: don’t afraidu,  we solve proplem ;

Mac My problem is u; No saar we are soloosun peepl, We speak Englishu, Thamilu, he Englisu Mayalam; but you only Engleesu.

To Sugeesh,Mac:Why you don’t speak?

Sugeesh laughs sheepishly. Sugeesh: I speak patche misteik aavu adhu kondu some Pedi -fear, fear.  Mac: What is patche? Sara; patche is green

 Sugesh: patche is But, Oh is it Indian English? SUGESH: YES, MALAYAALAM. Mac: So in MALAYSIA, too Malayalam is the language. Sugesh in Malaysia, plendy of malayalees, so there also Malayaalam speak.

1.30 pm -Chennai

SARAVAN: SAAR THIS Bugaari ottal is the best ENVY ottel in sennai.

Mac: why shud we envy? Sara: saar only ENVY is good, sikkan, muttaan, fissu, boanlus nice.

Mac: What spine less? Sara:Yes saar all spinu, mullu, neatly cleaned , gud tastu. For three daysu you get the smell.

Mac: What smell? Sara: what you eat, that smell. Mac is worried that these two people smell more than he expected. Why don’t you speak -S ugesh? Sugesh: Speak? Kerala I speak.

A visit to Mahabalipuram was a grand relief to Mac, thanks to a guide who spoke genuine English. [To him Saravanan: neenga englis meediyamaanne?. He: 3^rd fail in thamil medium; later moving with tourists, I speak 7 languages -3 foreign, 4 Indian Till then Saravanan was of the opinion that only Computer technocrats know languages.  Ironically they use ‘Monosyllables and are horrible on matters of spelling / grammar.

Sara: Saar in the evening, you try pachchi/ ponda with kaafi. They are not suvit but karam items befoar evening kaafi. In vada indhiya you will get only tee/ sappaththi.[Now Sugeesh laughs at Saravana’s English.]After Thanjavoor and Rameswaram, they went to Trivandrum.

By 9.30 AM, SUGEESH suggested a visit to ‘SOO’. Mac: What -soo?  Yes , animals, snakes, birds, elephants and mungees are there. Mac guessed ‘Zoo’.

In the evening they visited Padmanaba swami temple. SUGEES: Sur, foeriners need Devasam board’s PERMISHUN FOR tembl endry; I  will get it , my chettan is the Ofiser there. He went into the office.

Mac asked ‘What is Devasam board” Sarava: Devasam is ‘thidhi’ Mac :What ‘thidhi’?

Sarava: ‘thidhi’ is giving food to dead father , mother or anybody. How the dead wud take food?’ Sara: yes, they will take ; come like crow. What-- CROW? Yes, so saying he noticed a crow feeding on rice ball on the wall across the road. See, see thidhi food to crow. Mac saw it in disbelief. Another crow landed upon call, for another offering. Sara said another dead father eats food.

With permission of Devasam , they went into permitted zones. Mac realized there must be something deep about this culture, though Sara and Sugeesh said many things   not clear to him.

On return to Bngalore Mac said to Sripadha rao, “you need to keep English’ speaking persons in your institution”. He flew back to England carrying memories of howlers in English and was murmuring ‘englisu’

Prof. K. Raman